GROWING UP

I came from a “Christian” family but I didn't grow up in church whatsoever, not even holidays.  My mom and dad divorced before I could talk.  My mom was an alcoholic and very promiscuous. She was extremely abusive in every way, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  She didn't just spank me, she beat me black and blue and sometimes bloody. My mom started doing drugs when I entered high school… and so did I.  Both my mom and I were on meth at the same time.  I lost my virginity when I was 14 and was raped less than a year later.  I went from boyfriend to boyfriend thinking that would make me happy and stop all the pain and anger I had inside me from all the years of abuse.  But all I did was attract the same type of guys as my mother.  Manipulative, abusive, addicts. Mostly heavy alcoholics.   I had two abortions before I even hit my 20's.

My dad was present but not present enough to know what was actually going on.  He tried but my mom wouldn't allow him to be close to me.  Then he moved out of state just when I needed him the most, right as I went into high school.

MY FIRST MARRIAGE

Skip forward a bit, I was 22 and wild. God was not a part of my life, let alone a part of my vocabulary. When I met my first husband, I was 22, he was 31.  He was different.  He valued family.  He was Muslim but not the “religious kind”.  He proposed to me 6 months after we started dating and I said yes.  

Over the next 6 months of planning our two weddings (Islamic and American/Christian ceremonies) the Lord started sending random people into my life to stop me from marrying him. Even my entire family tried. They all said that we were unequally yoked.  Looking back, I know now it was God trying to get my attention but I didn't listen to Him, or anyone for that matter.  I believed that we had the same God and didn't see what the big deal was.  There were so many signs...TOO many.  I loved him or so I felt at the time.

I started wanting to dive deep into Islam and Christianity.  I wanted to know what my husband believed in and I wanted to know about the God that my family believed in. Boy, oh boy, what I found in my research of Islam was very scary, to say the least.  During the next 6 months I got baptized and gave my life to Jesus.  That tore us and our marriage apart.  Over the next 4 years we separated and I moved out 3 times before I divorced him. It was a spiritual warfare in our home day and night. and was extremely toxic on both sides.  We argued about whose religion was right.  I was a new baby Christian and I was so judgmental and definitely not Christ-like in my actions.  I came against his beliefs and Islam, instead of doing what I should have done, which was PRAY and WAR for his salvation. Instead, I argued with him. Thankfully, we have a great friendship today with no hard feelings.  But it took a while for us to get to this place because our divorce wasn't pretty. 

SALVATION

When I got, “saved,” or rather when I got dipped in water through my baptism, I thought, “I have arrived, that's it, I'm done. I'm getting into heaven and there's not much more I need to do." I mean sure, I went to church on Sundays but I had zero prayer life and didn't read my bible at all.  A lot like most of the church, unfortunately. Soon after, I went into 2 more back-to-back toxic, long term, relationships before I met my second husband.  

MY SECOND MARRIAGE

I was 31, he was 26.  He was, “the one,” or so I thought. I fell madly, deeply, obsessively in love with him as he did with me. From the moment we met, we were inseparable . It was a "Romeo and Juliet" type of love. It was  an overpowering love that superseded all of my values and morals. A careless love.  It was all feelings, emotions, and passion. We were obsessed with each other in a very unhealthy way.  I’d say that our whole relationship was built on lust and obsession. We idolized each other. We became each other's, "god," in different ways.  It was built on a bad foundation from the start. We were two very unhealed, broken people. Both of us came from, abusive, broken, and destructive homes. We were both previously married and were both lukewarm Christians.  We both ignored every red flag you could imagine and moved in together 2 months after meeting. 

We got married 2 years after meeting and over the next 8 years we went through a nasty porn addiction, an abortion, an emotional affair with an ex, and constant financial turmoil that resulted in losing multiple businesses.  We never had a break from the hardships that we brought on ourselves. We fought like crazy but we still loved each other very much.

God was not present in our marriage whatsoever until 2020, when I started really diving into my faith and my relationship with the Lord.  My husband, at the time, was still very lukewarm but came with me to church events.  In January 2022, we went on a retreat with our church family.  On the third day, I got radically delivered and baptized in the Holy Spirit.  A lot of things were prophesied over us that confirmed what the Lord had been telling me for a long time. The whole weekend freaked my husband out and our relationship took a turn.  He slowly started coming against every person in our church group that he loved and called friends at one point. He started mocking my faith and even the Bible. He became very bitter towards me and everything the Lord was doing in me. It ripped us apart slowly. There was serious spiritual warfare in our home. The more I would pray and war for our marriage, the worse it got. The more I would anoint the house, the worse he would get. It got to the point that I was scared to pray because I knew what would manifest after.  This ultimately led to him leaving abruptly and divorcing me. Without seeking any marital counseling, not once. 

Now, I’m not saying I was perfect and didn't have my own issues.  But, I know that me growing close to the Lord pushed him away because of what he was dealing with spiritually. Let’s just say, what was in him hated what was in me and we could no longer coexist. Not spiritually, emotionally, or sexually. 

HEALING

While the Lord started doing work in me years ago, the real, deep work wasn't until after my husband left.  I became angry with the Lord for allowing this to happen, I even had thoughts of suicide that weren't my own.  When I fully surrendered everything to the Lord is when the healing truly started. Not just from my marriage ending, but from EVERYTHING I had ever walked though in my life. It was a long road of purging and self reflection with God and He was there right by my side every step of the way.  He healed my broken heart that had been broken since childhood. 

There is so much more to my healing journey and the Lord has been preparing me to help other women who are going through the same thing. He allowed me to walk through all of the pain so I could eventually help others.  Whether you are standing for your in-home prodigal husband, or he has left you, I know your pain because I've walked through it.  It is my honor to have walked through what I walked through to help women like you. Even If I can help just one woman, my pain would have all been worth it. You have your own purpose and God wants to use you.  He doesn't want you emotionally, mentally, or spiritually sick anymore, idolizing your marriage. God wants to heal every part of you. 

Even in the worst circumstances, you don't have to navigate this alone. I want to help you pull through this and reclaim your strength. You have a safe place here with support and understanding. Take the first step towards healing by booking a call with me today. Together, we can begin your journey to a brighter, healthier future. 

Let's hop on a free 15 min call and go from there.